Wednesday, September 3, 2014

New Blood Rising

~ “And now, let’s get down to business” ~
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WCW New Blood Rising
From Vancouver, BC
August 13, 2000

The PPV opens with a video of the Booker T and Jeff Jarrett feud, featuring the phrase “Slapnuts Theatre”, a video for the Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner and Goldberg match which features Kevin Nash saying he can’t be sure he won’t be real professional tonight.
We go outside next to hear from the fans. The highlight of this section was a Primo Colon doppelganger. The low point was the screaming fans.

Tony Schiavone welcomes us to the PNE for possible the greatest night in the history of our sport.
First match of the night about to begin, 3 Count (Evan Karagias, Shannon Moore, Shane Helms and Tank F’n Abbot) come out. Tank clearly loves 3 Count. Their performance is interrupted by the opponents for tonight in a double ladder match, The Jung Dragons (Kaz Hayashi, Jamie San and Jimmy Yang). The rules for this match are above the ring are two items. One is 3 Count’s Gold Record. The other ladder is a 3 Count’s Recording Contract. If The Jung Dragons, get the contract, 3 Count can never record again. I don’t know much about contract law, so I will trust that you can only record if you have physical possession of the contract at the time.
DOUBLE LADDER 6 MAN TAG MATCH

3 Count with Tank Abbott vs. The Jung Dragons

Despite this being a ladder match each team starts with one person in the ring and two on the apron. Evan and Jamie trade holds. Suddenly the teams burst off up the aisle and towards the ladders. Tank Abbott is all excitement, leading the crowd in 3 Count chants. He gets in the face of Mark Madden and Madden voices his support for 3 Count.

Springboard Doomsday Devices by both teams.

One thing I don’t understand, the announcers are pointing out that each team goes for one item, what if they grab the other? What if the Dragons grab the gold record? Can 3 Count still record?
Jamie San dove off a ladder to the outside onto a big pile. Shane Helms hits a diving swinging neckbreaker off the ladder to one of the Dragons. So much is happening. It is hard to follow. Jamie San grabs the gold record, I guess both the items need to be retrieved. Jamie drops it, Tank picks it up. Tank is dancing with the record outside the ring.
A member of The Dragons and a member of 3 Count are each on a ladder, for some reason Tank enters the ring and pushes both ladders over. Evan climbs the ladder and retrieves the contract. So they are announced as the winners. I don’t know how thought. At best this was a tie.

Winners: 3 Count

Verdict
Positives: Tank Abbott, wacky ladder spots

Negatives: Confusing rules

TO THE BACK

The Filthy Animals (Rey Mysterio Jr., Konnan, Tygress, Juventud and Disqo) are in Ernest Miller’s office, requesting to be the refs of the tag title match as long as they get a title shot on Nitro. They say they will return the belts if they get to do this and they will make sure Ernest Miller wins his match with The Great Muta.

Next match is The Great Muta vs. The Cat

The Great Muta vs. The Cat

Cat grabs a mic to address Muta. He says he knows Muta doesn’t know English, so he is gonna break it down to him so he understands it. “You are The Great Muta and I’mma whoop your great ass” and he hits him in the head with the microphone. He pounds on Muta in the corner then dances. Elbow drop. Dances. Muta stops that with a few kicks then arm scissors. This turns into a Karate battle. Muta is winning the karate battle.
Tygress of the Filthy Animals comes down to the ring. The battle spills outside, The Cat tries to strangle Muta with a cable. Muta cuts off Cat martial arts with a dragon screw leg whip. Muta misses a moonsault. Cat misses a kick. Muta hits the green mist which causes Cat to bail to the corner. Ref goes to check on him, Tygress is on the top rope behind Muta with a chair. She knocks him down. Muta kicks out at 2. Cat does more martial arts and wins with a spin kick

Winner: The Cat

Verdict
Positives: Very little.

Negatives: Mark Madden

TO THE BACK

Buff Bagwell is looking for his mom, Judy. Later tonight she will be on a pole. Our next match is Judy Bagwell on a Pole. Judy is brought out to the ring tied to a forklift. The forklift is driven by Bagwell’s opponent, Kanyon. Tony informs the crowd that if Kanyon wins, she gets to keep Judy Bagwell as his Kimberly. He says that he could not find a pole to hold the fat battleaxe (his wording). Yet, he wants her to be his valet.
Judy Bagwell on a Pole
Chris Kanyon vs. Buff Bagwell

Buff, doing the logical thing, runs down the aisle and attempts to lower the forklift. Kanyon cuts him off. After some brawling, Kanyon hits a side Russian legsweep off the middle rope, this gets him a 2 count. I was under the assumption that the match ended when Judy was retrieved. Kanyon grabs wire cutters and unhooks the turnbuckle pad. Bagwell blocks being thrown into the turnbuckle but gets powerbombed by Kanyon for 2. Kanyon locks in a Cobra Clutch. Bagwell busts out but Kanyon hits a swinging neckbreaker. Bagwell had a history of neck injuries. The neckbreaker only got a two. Bagwell blocks a Kanyon cutter and tosses him into the turnbuckle, then a flapjack onto the turnbuckle. Only a two count. Kanyon hits a Kanyon cutter but Bagwell kicks out at two.
David Arquette comes out to the ring now, he high fives Kanyon. This gives Bagwell a chance to fire up. Clotheslines! Bagwell goes for the blockbuster but Arquette knocks him off with Kanyon’s hard hat. This only draws a 2 count. Double teaming by Arquette and Kanyon on Bagwell but Buff fights out of it. DOUBLE BLOCKBUSTER BY BAGWELL TO ARQUETTE AND KANYON! BAGWELL WINS! BAGWELL WINS!
Winner: Buff Bagwell
Verdict
Positives: The match was actually pretty good if you ignore Judy and Arquette’s involvement

Negatives: The Judy stuff and David Arquette

Post match, Arquette hugs Kanyon but is laid out by a Kanyon Cutter

TO THE BACK

LANCE STORM ARRIVES IN A PURPLE LIMO!

The announcers declare that Goldberg got injured in a Motorcycle accident in Sturgis, South Dakota

Filthy Animals come out to be the special referees. Konnan will join the announce table. BOOM! Our teams here are General Rection and Lash LeRoux of The MIA, Jindrak and Sean O’Haire of the Natural Born Thrillers, Chuck Palumbo and Sean Stasiak (AKA The Perfect Event) and Bryan Clark and Brian Adams of Kronic. Apparently Kronic are the actual champions despite The Filthy Animals having the possession of the belts.

Disqo grabs the mic. He explains the rules. Disqo is the in ring official and the rest of the Animals are ringside enforcers.


4 Way Tag Team Match

The MIA vs. The Natural Born Thrillers vs. The Perfect Event vs. Kronic
Palumbo and Adams are starting off. Konnan keeps saying he and the animals “got it like that”. Palumbo goes outside the ring, The Animals jump him. Adams hits Stasiak with a full nelson slam. Leroux and Jindrak are now legal. Jindrak hits a big drop kick. Sean O’Haire shows some great agility. Disqo counts slow for a Clark pin on O’Haire. The Natural Born Thrillers and The Perfect Event work together to beat on Rection. Tygress runs in and hits a bronco buster on Rection, he enjoys it, Rey goes for one but is blocked with a firm kick in the balls by General Rection.
Disqo’s counts are slow no matter who is making the cover. He is a shitty ref, but he is impartially shitty at least. Big 11 man (1 woman) brawl, Kronic goes for high times on Palumbo but Vampiro and Muta interfere. Bryan Clark hits a meltdown. Disqo refeuses to count. Adams catches Stasiak from the top rope and tosses him onto Jindrak and O’Haire on the outside, High Times to Palumbo. Lt. Loco (of the Misfits in Action) runs in, grabs the ref shirt off Disqo and counts the pin for KroniC, not MIA. Because, that makes sense.

Winners: Krokic

Positives: Sean O’Haire’s agility

Negatives: Refereeing, announcers, finish

TO THE BACK

Jeff Jarrett is backstage with Pamela Paulshock. He guarantees to win.

Shane Douglas with Torrie Wilson on his way to the ring for a strap match with Billy Kidman. Kidman has apparently leaked his sex tape with Torrie Wilson. The rules are pinfall to a finish. Mark Madden casually reminds the home audience that Shane Douglas has erectile dysfunction.

Strap Match

Billy Kidman vs. Shane Douglas

Shane Douglas is wearing a shirt, probably to protect him from strap lashes. Kidman goes to chase Torrie. It doesn’t work too well as he is still tied to Douglas. Kidman uses the strap to pull Douglas into the post and he chokes him with it. Shane cuts Kidman off after a Torrie distraction by pulling the strap into Kidman’s groin. This match would be better without the strap. Torrie accidentally hits Shane with a shoe. Kidman only gets two from that. Torrie helps Shane reverse a small package into a brainbuster for a two count. Kidman runs Shane into Torrie and hits him with a facebuster for the win.
Winner: Billy Kidman

Positives: Torrie Wilson, maybe

Negatives: Strap stipulation

Post match, Kidman straps Torrie. Shane Douglas lynches Kidman. Big Vito comes to the rescue of Kidman. Reno runs in and attacks Vito from behind. Apparently there is some Viagra related heat between the two of them. Vito runs Reno off.
This match would have been better without the strap, or if based off the genitalia that spawned this feud, if it were a Strap-On match!
TO THE BACK

Booker T arrives at the arena, he is limping getting out of the car. Jeff Jarrett jumps him in the parking lot and slams his leg in the door.

Major Gunns is out next for an ROTC match. RIP OFF THE CAMOFLAUGE AND THEY HAVE SUPPLIED A MUD PIT! Miss Hancock is next.

ROTC Match
Major Gunns vs. Miss Hancock.

Catfight. Mark Madden acknowledges he may want to see Bruno Sammartino naked. Gunns goes for a pin. Gets a two count. I thought this match had to end with a disrobing or mudding. NONE OF THE RULES ON THIS SHOW MAKE SENSE. Hancock shows athletic ability. Hancock rips off Gunns’ pants. If the match ended via disrobing Hancock wins. Hancock tosses Gunns’ into the mud. Now they are both in the mud. The match is still going. Hancock grinds until she grabs her stomach and gets rolled up for the three in the mud.
Winner: Major Gunns.
Gunns seems to be worried about her opponent. David Flair runs to the mud pit and checks on Hancock. EMT’s come. They bring a gurney. How often do you see stretcher jobs after mud fights?

Positives: Miss Hancock’s athleticism.

Negatives: Confusing rules.

After checking the format (?), Tony sends us…

TO THE BACK

Pamela Paulshock is with Vampiro, The Great Muta and The KISS Demon. Vampiro promises that The Demon will beat Sting and do it for The Juggalos.
We go back to see Miss Hancock being loaded into the ambulance. Scott Hudson acknowledges that this was not a part of the format. The Demon comes out for his match with Sting. Sting rappels down to the entrance ramp.

The Demon vs. Sting

Demon jumps Sting in the aisle. Sting fights back, tosses Demon into the guard rail, tosses him into the ring. Stinger Splash. Scorpion Death Drop. Pin by Sting.
Winner: Sting

Positives: Nobody got stretchered out covered in mud.

Negatives: None

Vampiro and Muta jump Sting after the match. Vampiro tries to hang Sting. Kronic comes out to the rescue of Sting. Kronic challenges Vampiro and Muta for later tonight. Match accepted. Titles will be on the line.

TO THE BACK

Booker T doesn’t want the cameras filming his knee being looked at.

Mike Awesome comes out for a match with Lance Storm. Lance’s gets a Goldberg-esque securitied entrance from the back. He gets a huge reaction. Lance has 3 Championships. The Canadian Heavyweight Championship will be on the line. He grabs a mic. He cuts a promo that puts the crowd even further behind him. He says he is invoking rule 32B from the Canadian rule book and has a special guest referee. Jacques Rougeau! Canadian National Anthem plays!
Canadian Heavyweight Championship
Special Guest Referee: Jacques Rougeau

Canadian Rules to be enforced
Lance Storm vs. Mike Awesome

Jacques has positioned himself at ringside. Awesome starts off by overpowering Lance. HUGE Legdrop! Storm hits a jawbreaker and superkick. He posts Awesome in the corner. Awesome regains control though. He goes for a table. Lance blocks a powerbomb and hits a beautiful missile dropkick. Awesome goes up top for something but he slips off, recovers quickly and hits a clothesline. Awesome hits a powerbomb and gets a disputed 3 count. Jacques stops Dave Penzer from announcing Awesome as the winner. 5 count to a finish in Canada. Awesome locks in a dragon sleeper. Storm taps out but Jacque stops Penzer again and informs him that in a championship match can only end in pinfall. Awesome is doing all he can to get the title but he can’t keep Storm down for 5. HUGE FROG SPLASH FOR A 5 COUNT!
Jacques Rougeau stops Penzer again. After a 5 count, the man pinned has to respond by a 10 count. Lance Storm lucks out again because Awesome doesn’t study Canadian rules. Awesome moves the table into the ring. A chair shot to the head puts Awesome down for 4. Storm rolls Awesome onto the table. Awesome blocks Lance on the top rope. Top rope belly to belly through the table. Jacques Rougeau informs the crowd that the first man to his feet wins the belt. He assists the ref in counting. Storm miraculously makes it to his feet first (Jacques may have decked Awesome) and wins the match
Winner: Lance Storm

Positives: Awesome looked like a killer and showed great instincts to recover from the slip off the top. Jacques Rougeau (Inaugural Member and to this date only official member of the Jeremy Hall of Greatness and Acknowledgements of Such Greatness in Various Fields of Entertainment) was fantastic too.

Negatives: Lance looked like kind of a punk. He got beat 3 times.
After the match, Bret Hart comes out to the ring. He hugs Jacques Rougeau and Lance Storm and they all celebrate in Canadian Magnificence. Tear in my eye, fam. This was beautiful.

TO THE BACK

Pamela interviews Kevin Nash. Match is still being hyped as a three way despite Goldberg’s injury. Nash says he is going over Steiner and getting the belt.
Dark Carnival (Vampiro and The Great Muta) coming to the ring for their tag title match.

Tag Team Championship Match (again)
Kronic vs. The Dark Carnival

Mark Madden confirms that Canadian Rules will NOT apply here. Vampiro uses strikes to weaken Bryan Clark. Clark’s power allows him to make a come back. Muta and Vampiro use kicks to work down Adams but once again, the power of Kronic weakens The Dark Carnival. The match spills outside, Adams teases tossing Vampiro through the announce table but drops him just short. Back in the ring, Vampiro reverses a powerbomb into a facebuster and tags out to Muta. Muta works on the knee of Adams. Tag back out to Vampiro. Vamp gets cocky now, ties Adams up in the ropes. Adams regains some strength after a double noggin knocker, he tags out to Clark who comes in like an Atom Bomb. Meltdown to Vampiro. Muta misses a green mist on Clark and hits the referee instead. Kronic promises High times to Muta. Vampiro breaks it up. The Harris Brothers come in from the crowd. And attack Kronic. They hit a double slam on Clark. Muta hits a moonsault on Clark and gets the win.

Winners: The Dark Carnival

Positives: Crowd liked Kronic

Negatives: Impromptu match, stemming from a mess of a tag title match earlier, ends with a mess and leads to a title change.

TO THE BACK

Pamela interviews Booker. He promises that for Jeff Jarrett to win, he’ll have to kill him.

Video for the 3 way, which may be a one on one match. As the entrances for the 3 way start, the announcers discuss Vince Russo and his plans for this match. I guess it could be determined that Nash and Russo have paid off the referee but I know it was something deeper and weirder. Goldberg’s music hits twice but nobody comes out

Number One Contender Match
Scott Steiner vs. Kevin Nash vs. (Possibly) Goldberg

Lockup between the two, Steiner overpowers Nash, pushes him to the corner. Chops to the chest but Nash reverses a whip and hits a knee to the gut. Big Boot by Nash sends Steiner to the outside. Goldberg runs in from the back, taped up, he has a chair. He hits Nash with a chair. Steiner stops Goldberg’s offense by hitting him in the ribs. Goldberg stops Steiner’s attack with a spear and superkick. Steiner goes to the outside, but Nash comes in the ring. Face off between Nash and Goldberg. Scott Hudson mentions that Nash was on the booking committee for 2 weeks when Goldberg lost his streak. Nash beats down Goldberg’s ribs. Steiner hits a belly to belly for a 2 count. He goes after the referee after that. Steiner’s rage is working against him. Goldberg attacks Steiner from behind and hits a double arm suplex. Double clothesline takes down both Steiner and Goldberg. Nash hits a double clothesline to keep them down. Sideslam to Steiner. Nash punches Steiner, knocking him out of the ring. Big boot to Goldberg. Nash teases The Jackknife. Goldberg pushes him off and walks out of the ring. Vince Russo comes out to confront him. Goldberg tells him to fuck off and he leaves. Madden and Hudson imply that Goldberg wasn’t following the script. I guess we are back to one on one. Steiner hits a delayed backbreaker on Nash but it only gets two.
After a big boot by Nash, Midajah comes out to the ring and gets in. She hits a low blow on Nash. PEOPLE ARE GOING INTO BUSINESS FOR THEMSELVES! Nash hits a low blow on Steiner. Midajah gets back in the ring and hits another one on Nash. Steiner gets a two count. Nash hits a DDT on Steiner. CLEARLY WORKING ON THE FLY! Nash drops the straps after another big boot. Jack Knife puts Steiner down for 3.
Winner: Kevin Nash

Positives: Match was alright

Negatives: Wrestling is fake, ya’ll.

Video for Booker T vs. Jeff Jarrett

MICHAEL BUFFER IS HERE! He looks like a carrot.

World Heavyweight Championship

Booker T vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jeff Jarrett jumps the knee at the bell. Booker tries to do what he can to finish the match quick. Booker slams Jeff Jarrett’s nuts into the ring post but he misses a missile dropkick off the top rope. Jeff hits stomps on the knee. He slams the knee on the guard rail. Jeff’s offense is nothing but focuses. A boston crab is broken when Booker makes it to the ropes. Chair to the knee by Jarrett. Booker tries a miracle sunset flip but it only draws a two. Jarrett kicks out after a spinebuster. Booker hits an axe kick and spinerooni. He accidentally hits the ref though. Booker goes for a sidekick but Jeff Jarrett blocks it with a guitar shot to the knee. Jeff puts on the Figure 4 leg lock. Booker, after lots of struggling, makes it to the ropes. Jeff Jarrett refuses to break it. Booker rolls to the outside. Jarrett grabs the world title belt. He goes to hit Booker T but misses and hits the referee. Booker T sets up a table. Book End off the apron through the table.
Ginger Referee comes to the ring. Booker goes for a pin in the ring but Jeff puts his foot on the rope. Jeff grabs a chair. Low blow to Booker. He accidentally hits the ref with the chair. Stroke onto the chair on Booker. We still don’t have a ref. Charles Robinson comes to the ring but Booker kicks out at a 2. Neckbreaker on the chair by Booker, only draws a two count. Book End by Booker finishes the match!

Winner: Booker T